Something that has been on my mind recently is this theory that keeps going around about people who sleep with more than twenty people will never be able to settle down and be happy.  Now I see so many flaws with this theory and, it is, just a theory, but could there possibly be some logic to it? I mean, does sleeping around all come boiling down to the fact that maybe you will never be able to settle down with one person? 

There seems to be two sides to this theory, one if you sleep with many people you have commitment issues.  Two if you sleep with people into the double digits you will never be able to find someone to sexually satisfy you for ever and ever because you're used to experiencing something new every few months or so.

Since my ex and I have recently decided to call it quits for more important reasons than our sex life, this theory has me wondering, will either of us end up being happy or in thiry years, even the next five years, or so will we both still be back here?

What do you like about me? Seems like an easy enough question.  We’ve been dating for a while, it’s a question I should be able to answer, but all I said was you’re cute and nice.  What don’t I like about you was an easier question.  I had a million things I could have said.  I hate the way you snore.  I hate that you drink so much; that you spend all your money on bullshit. That you cheated on me and told everyone I worked with that I was loose.  I hate that you smoke and keep telling me you’re going to quit when we both know that it isn’t true.  I hate the way that every time we’re together I feel like I’m taking care of a four year. I hate that you can’t pay for anything, all you do is work and you have no money. Most of all, I hate the way I don’t hate you.

I love that you can always make me laugh when I’m upset, that you try to console me when I’m pissed off at you.  I love the way you include me in your life and how you want to be included in mine. I love the fact that when I see your face it makes me smile.  I love that you want to be around me all the time, even when I drive you crazy.  I love that we can drive around for hours and are content with listening to music.  I love the way we sleep, despite the snoring.  I love the way that you make me feel safe in your arms at night.  I love that you love kids because I love kids too, even though I won’t tell anyone.  I love that you tell me things and I don’t have to pry them out of your brain.  The most important thing out of all this:  I hate the way that I knew you were exactly what I wanted, but I let everyone else’s opinion get in the way of us.  I honestly wish you the best.  I hope she is exactly what you have been waiting for.  I will still secretly wish that you will come back to me, even though I know it will never happen. 

I learned a lot from us, and I will carry it with me always.  I understand why you did what you did, but it still doesn’t make me happy.  I just wish I was truthful with you and myself before it was too late.  I will live through this like I’ve lived through everything else.  Just know that you will be missed and that one day I hope that you will have a chance to understand.  I will just miss you for now.  Please don’t forget me, and when you hear our song remember me. I will never forget you, but one day I will move on, but never again will I dwell on the bad.

With All the Love I Have Left,

N

My goal is to really achieve the body I want. I have a great body, I do, but I feel that since I have quit playing sports and just started running that my muscle tone has seriously diminished.  I'm skinny, but I'm also flabby.  My arms lack muscle definition, my stomach is flat, but also lacks real muscle definition.  The only thing that I can honestly say is toned are my legs from running.  I hate feeling like I'm not able to defend myself.  It drives me insane that picking up three cans of soup in one arm is like a work out.  I'm sick of feeling weak.  I'm also sick of feeling like I'd have to depend on someone else to defend me.

I consistently claim to lack time to put any real effort into working out, when really I could just wake up earlier.  I don't wake up until 7:30, and if I just tweaked that an hour I would have plenty of time.  I'm worried about being bulky, but I'm sure I'll be fine.  Little weight and lots of reps is all I need to do.  I would also like to eat more healthily.  I'm a vegetarian, and I'm an extremely picky eater, and to most standards, I'm a very healthy eater. I know myself and what I am capable of. I know I can do better. I don't want to lose weight because I don't need to. I just want to have the confidence I used to have, which is different then the confidence I have now. I miss the confidence.

To make sure I stay on track, I would like to blog about my progress and my difficulties. When I choose to eat junk food, maybe why I did, emotions I felt at the time.  Maybe also write how I feel after working out  and things I would like to try. Feedback would be appreciated. I can also take criticism, but try to make it as constructive as possible. I feel if I do this publicly, I have to report to someone; I will more than likely keep to it.  Day 1 starts tomorrow, wish me luck. 6am here I come :)